How to Make a COMMITMENT to YOURSELF: The Important lesson I learned from Oprah

This post begins with a story so get comfortable and put your thinking cap on. Pay attention because this may really resonate with you.

This story starts in the year 2004. My life was completely changed when I became a mother. I'm sure many new parents can relate but I was sleep deprived, often emotional and fumbling to get through my day. Being that these things were all very new to me I would often find myself overwhelmed, anxious and the feelings of depression would come and go. One solution I had found to these emotional challenges early in life was exercise. Now, I'm not usually critical of myself, but being beyond the initial stages of recovering from childbirth and caring for a newborn, I became the master of making excuses not to get out of bed in the morning and go work out! Total excuses not valid reasons. I was going a couple of times a week, enough to show myself that this is what I wanted to do. I felt so good on the days that I went! But one day to the next, the struggle continued.

Some of the excuses included:

• Not being able to decide what to wear- my body was very different than ever before

• The blankets were just too heavy and I couldn't find the will to get out of bed

• Tomorrow will be a better day to start my habit/desired routine over

• I ate a pan of brownies yesterday so I'll never reach my goals anyway (dead serious)

• I don't know where my shoes are

• I don't want to wake baby or dad by getting myself ready to go (early morning was my only window with his work schedule)

• Plus a million more!

You feel me?

Well, one afternoon while I was nursing my baby I was watching Oprah, as I often did when the topic was good, and she was discussing the concept of making commitments to ourselves. (These are not direct quotes, just what I can remember.) She challenged the audience to think of a time when a friend or a family member said they would do something for us but their commitment fell through. They didn't show up. They didn't call. They said they would meet us at a certain time but they were unreasonably late and we missed out on something. How does that make us feel? (Pause here and think for a minute.) Disappointed? Frustrated? Sad? Angry? Is it harder to trust that person after an experience like that? Of course it is!!

Here's the Aha moment, are you ready? When we fail to follow through on our commitments to ourselves we feel that very same way WITH OURSELVES!

I realized at that very moment that I was totally letting myself down by saying, "I'm going to get up and go workout in the morning so I can start my day off right and have a good rest of the day!" And then falling short. I'd spend the day wishing I'd started with a workout and be frustrated with myself enough that I wouldn't keep some of my other commitments either. I realized I had fallen into a real pattern of saying one thing with good intentions but following through less than half of the time!

I needed to turn things around. I needed to feel strong and healthy to be the best me. I needed to feel proud of myself for taking a positive step so I could show up for other people who needed me as well. I needed the physical exertion before the bottled up feelings of anxiety got to the point where I couldn't handle them! (It was quite the roller coaster on my off days...)

Oprah presented the audience that day with the tools to fix this. She gave her personal experience of training for a marathon. (Anyone remember when she did this? It was all over the news!) Oprah had always struggled with her weight publicly. She was giving herself many of the same excuses I was for not following though on her physical goals. She shared that the way she changed this was by setting her clothes out the night before. She would gather her clothing, shoes, heart rate monitor, watch, iPod, headphones, whatever she knew she would need when she got up in the morning for herself to reach her goal. She put them in the same place every night before she went to bed and this was her commitment to do it the next morning. Doing so, she had already made a decision that she was going to show up. In the morning all she had to do was go to this place, put on her stuff that was laid out already and go. She allowed for some grace as well. If the night before she knew that she wasn't feeling well or she had a busy day that she was uncertain about going for a run at all, she let her self off the hook by not putting her stuff out. In the morning she wasn't letting herself down because she didn't tell herself she would do it. If she woke up feeling great and decided to go anyways, it was a bonus and she was proud of herself!

That day I made a change. My baby at the time just turned 16 years old. I have showed up for myself for years now and it has made all the difference! I was able to implement that discipline in many areas of my life which has lead to some great achievements that I am very proud of! I'm a better person for everyone else as well because I learned how to make and keep commitments to myself. I've learned how to properly prepare and plan as best I can so that I can live my life intentionally instead of just letting it happen to me.

I have shared this experience with many clients and I always hope it has the same impact on someone else as it has for me. If you need this, I challenge you to take better care of yourself and your feelings by showing up and following through on the commitments you make to yourself and others. You will feel a positive transition in your life!